Monday, March 5, 2012

The Smother Mother

A term I resent. What is a smother mother? She can only be defined as a woman who is most often times surrounded by her children. She keeps a close a eye on them. Some would say that she is over protective. The smother mother has the ability to hover in a way that makes others wonder about her technique. Other mothers would probably say that the smother mother needs a little break. I disagree.

As a self diagnosed smother mother I would first like to make it known that a smother mother can not help it. Mainly because she doesn't see her behavior as anything but loving. I can only speak for myself but I truly do not see what the issue is. Honestly, it hardly ever crosses my mind to do anything without my daughter. It's almost as if my mind can't even compute the thought. Apparently the part of my brain that tells you to hire a babysitter just doesn't work.

I have had several people offer to babysit so that my husband and I could enjoy some time alone. I do not mind leaving her for the occasional dinner, it's the idea that something is wrong with me because I won't leave her more often that disturbs me. For the record, I am not afraid that anything is going to happen to her. I trust that my friends and family are more than capable to watch her. The truth is, I just like having her around. I enjoy her company. Go figure. As tiny as she is, she is the life of the party. My family is more complete with her and I feel like something is missing when she's away. Would I have an amazing time on a solo date with my husband? Absolutely. Do I feel like our experience is different when we're out as a group? Not at all.

I have enjoyed every second of my daughter's existence. I have not missed a moment. I remember her first tear, her first laugh and the first time she got the hiccups. I even have two out of those three on tape! Whenever I do decide to spend a weekend away I want to make sure I can do it with no regrets. Right now, I can't say that I could do that. I also know that if I am going to spend any long period of time away it needs to be worth it. I'm not dropping her off somewhere, just to return home. What kind of "break" is that? My break will involve sand between my toes and the sun on my skin.

So, in conclusion, do not fear the smother mother. Her heart is in the right place, she just wants peace of mind. We should all focus our attention on the "other mother". The woman who's children are always with a nanny or a family member. Her weekends are always free, and unlike the smother mother she appears to not have a care in the world. That mother will wake up one day and wonder where the time went. I won't. If you check my laptop I can show you where the time went. I have the pictures and videos to prove it.

Who am I kidding? I have to admit, there is something to be admired about the other mother. Who knows, maybe when my daughter is a little older I'll become a nice hybrid mix of the other and the smother. I'm getting there, but until then I'm smothering and hovering my life away.