Thursday, April 10, 2014

Keeping Your Relationship Healthy After Kids...

As a mom, you understand how rewarding having children and a family can be. From their first steps to their first day of school, your goal as a parent is to be there for them as they grow and develop. However, in your quest to be the best mom you can be, your personal life takes a back seat. Your marriage may suffer, too, because you no longer have the intimate time you once had with your mate. As your worries shift from yourself and your partner to your children, your marriage isn't your focus or priority anymore and may become neglected.

You're not failing your kids if you put your marriage first, however. Marriages need just as much nurturing as our children do. According to "When you put your marriage on the back burner, your kids can sense the lack of closeness between you." Therefore, you must make time for you and your spouse because it will create a number of positive outcomes, including the improvement of your marriage and enrichment of your ability to show your children how to develop positive relationship skills.

You probably recognized the change in your marriage once you entered parenthood. Your children obviously began to take precedence over personal hobbies and professional endeavors, while your partner faded into the background. You've given up just about everything in your life—from your bed to your time, not much in your life is solely yours when you have young children. This is particularly true when it comes to your relationship.

According to a recent Net Mums survey, almost 80 percent of women report a reduction in the amount of sex they've had since having children. Most of the surveyed mothers claimed to make love with their significant others about once a week. Obviously, you and your mate can no longer spend those intimate moments you once enjoyed together prior to having little ones. However, it's important that you work to maintain a healthy balance between your children and your relationship.

Communication is vital to any relationship, but romantic relationships in particular must have a strong line of communication. As Buzzle suggests, maintaining open communication with your spouse brings you closer together as a couple and helps you resolve issues quicker and more effectively. If you're frustrated with the lack of intimacy in your relationship, don't be afraid to voice this to your partner. At the same time, figure out ways to better your communication. Whether it's five minutes to connect in the morning/before bed or spending an hour hashing out the details of your day, you must make a point to touch base with your mate at least once a day.

Remember to use this time to discuss topics other than your children and family. Instead, focus on your life together as a couple or personal issues. Talk about the mundane details of your day or your new dreams and goals—just be sure to have this open dialogue with your partner each and every day. This will make your bond as a couple stronger and can even re-spark some of the desires that may have waned after you started growing your family.

Sex is essential to any romantic relationship, and you and your partner need intimacy for your relationship to thrive. According to Women's Health Magazine, lack of sex is a common marriage problem that could lead to unfulfilled desires being perceived as rejection. To combat a sexual rut or prolonged sexual dry spell, schedule it into your routine. Figure out a time when both you and your mate are free, and take a break for some sexual intimacy.

Whether you go for a quick love session or a full-on sex fest, make time to show your partner some physical loving. Not only could this boost your relationship and add some passion to your marriage, it could also intensify your libido. Also, keep in mind that there are other ways to show you partner affection besides the actual act of having sex. Small, tender acts of affection—a simple caress of the cheek or holding hands—can signal emotional connectedness and higher levels of empathy, as Adam & Eve details here. This can in turn create a more affable environment for sexual interaction.

In addition to enhancing the romance between the sheets, you must also pay attention to the emotional intimacy you share with your mate. Explore the passion you have for your significant other outside of the bedroom. Start by incorporating activities like date night. In a 2012 study conducted by the National Marriage Project, date nights are a valuable way for couples to spend some time to themselves and can heighten marital happiness. You don't have to go to great lengths to be successful, either.

A simple dinner and movie does wonders, or, if you'd like to switch things up, try a new activity like taking a couple's cooking class or going on a whiskey distillery tour. Even if you can't go anywhere, you and your partner should still enjoy a relaxing evening alone at least once a month. Send the kids to your parents, prepare a meal together, and have a romantic date at home. By integrating date night in your relationship, the two of you will have some much needed time to focus on each other and your relationship.


  1. It's hard to stay focused on a relationship when kids are around!

  2. I just typed this long response and the computer ate it! Ugh!

    Great post, Tia. Thank you so much for the reminder!

  3. I think for us women it's more mental than for our men. It's hard to even think about sex/romance with the long list of to-dos + kids in the next room! Even still, when I have to make myself I never regret it ;) This was an Awesome post!

  4. This is a very well-written post Tia! I find myself in a similar dilemma. Most of the time it's just all about my son and nothing else. I always think I lack social life since I entered parenthood! LOL. But like what you said, we must do our best to spend time with our partners and friends too.. :)

  5. I feel like I've been struggling with this lately. With my almost 6 month old being at the focal point of my husband and I's life, it's been difficult for us to focus on us. I know we will have to continue to work on keeping a balance, especially as we add more kids to the mix.

  6. It's definitely important to maintain the romance in your marriage. You have to remember that first off maintaining the romance is a team effort. I know a lot of people tend to expect us as the women to take on the sole burden of keeping the sexy in our relationships, but it takes husbands taking the time out to help us get back to the point by being supportive, helping out more than usually would, making sure they compliment us on a daily basis, etc. As long as both parties work together, the flame can be lit again!

  7. I agree, Romance should remain in the relationship as long as you are in it. I know it is tough to have romantic dates with kids involved, but when the kids are at school or when you two are getting ready for bed you can still slip in some romantic moments in there. Being romantic doesn't have to be in a candlelight dinner or an extravagant gesture, If you love each other so much the littlest thing can be romantic, A kiss, a sweet whisper in the ear basically anything that expresses how much you love each other that would be good enough to keep the romance.

    Tavia Cruz

  8. These are actually great tips for those of us, like myself, that don't have kids. Thanks!


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