Things were a little slow around here over the summer. I wasn't sure if I was going to blog about it but it only seems right to share a little about what I've been up to all summer.
This summer was a crazy one. Quite possibly the longest weeks of my life were from July 6 to September 2. That's not an over exaggeration or a comparison to garner sympathy. It was really the toughest summer I think I've ever had.
On July 6th I found out I was pregnant. Initially, I was extremely shocked because I had a tubal after Little Mike. If you remember, I was born with a mullerian anomaly (septate uterus or bicornuate uterus - verdict is still out on which one I have - results coming soon). I only have one tube (which was "tied") and one ovary so you can imagine that I was very surprised when I learned of this pregnancy.
I was able to get in and see my doctor that week. She did confirm that my pregnancy was in my uterus but there were no signs of viability. We agreed that I'd come back every week until we heard a heartbeat.
I was cool with that. It was still early.
Week after week I'd have ultrasounds done and we never heard or saw anything more than yolk sacs. It was sad and exhausting.
At the beginning of August my doctor started preparing me for the possibilities and educating me on what my options were. I decided to keep waiting. I figured if something was going to happen to turn this pregnancy around I didn't want any type of medical intervention to mess that up.
If it was meant to be it would be and if it wasn't in God's will then I had faith that He would allow my body to naturally go through the process.
It wasn't in His will. As hard as it was for me to accept - it just wasn't. I kept reminding myself that everything works out for our good. Even though I can't see the good right now it doesn't mean that it's not there or that it's not coming. God's plan isn't for me to figure out or analyze. All I can do as a person is walk by faith and know that this too shall pass.
I'll be going to have some more tests done to see what exactly is going on inside my body within the next couple of weeks.
This summer taught me a lot about myself. Everything isn't always in my control and I can't always fix everything. That's not what faith is about. I wish things had been different and I wish I had another amazing summer break story to share but this is what's going on in my life right now.
Hopefully this post helps or encourages someone. Thank you to all of my friends and family that supported us this summer. It means more than you'll ever know.
I am at peace with how this summer went. I'm not sad or upset or angry. These past couple of months didn't change my outlook on life or how God works. He's still Almighty and I trust Him...