Today I accepted the fact that I'll never be the perfect Mother. Never. My house was a mess and the kids were playing a game that looked like a mix of hide-and-seek with peek-a-boo.
I was getting the kitchen cleared for dinner. My toddler likes to pull everything out of all the cabinets while I'm working on something in the other room. Another mess to add to my long to-do list. Then somehow I remembered a conversation I had with a Mom today at preschool pickup where I admitted to not knowing how to braid.
I wish I could've seen the eyes behind her sunglasses because her head tilt definitely revoked my black card. Yep. I'm a sista who can't braid. I've tried Youtube. I've practiced. It's not happening and I don't want my baby going to school with "practice cornrows" that even an inmate wouldn't be caught dead with.
That got me thinking about all of the other things I'm not necessarily doing right. I'll share them all with you here because I don't have a therapist and even if I did it's cheaper for me to vent here. So, let me impress you with all the ways I might be ruining (i'm kidding) these kids...
I don't know how to braid Savannah's hair.
Sometimes her ponytail parts are crooked.
And sometimes I send her to school with Color Purple twists.
Little Mike is still breastfeeding.
Mainly because I like sleeping at night.
He's showing signs of being ready to potty train but I don't even feel like entering that arena yet.
That's selfish, right?
I have yet to figure out how to balance education time and TV time.
I feel like I let them watch too much TV.
I also feel like so much of their time is so scheduled with activities, crafts and books.
How do you say no to TV when they've been in "school" all day?
I threaten a lot without always following through.
I might be too soft on them.
Then there are days when I mean everything I say and I'm positive that they think I'm the meanest person in the world.
That's got to be confusing for a child.
I find myself checking my email too much during the day.
And saying, "Just give Mommy one more minute."
I find myself stuck somewhere between, "I need to actively pursue my goals."
And "I need to be present for every single moment because I'll never get this time with them again."
These are just a few of the scenarios that I play in my head over and over again. I need to be a lot easier on myself. We all do.
If you need a little free therapy share some of your Mommy issues or frustrations with me in the comments. Can anyone else relate to this?