This has been tough and at times it has left me feeling a little guilty. Why do I feel bad about doing things for myself or taking a little time out to do things that I enjoy? It took me so long to get to a place where I actually feel okay doing things. It's been fun feeling like the old me again. I just didn't expect so much guilt to come along with it.
Now, this guilt hasn't kept me from doing anything that I want to do but carrying it around has been like a mosquito bite - annoying. Beating myself up for allowing myself to grow is a waste of emotion and it's draining. One night I was talking to my husband about wanting to take a 6am fitness class. I didn't want to go because that meant he would have to do the morning routine with the kids. I would be back to get Sav off to school but he would have to get her dressed, make breakfast and do her hair.
I actually considered not going to my fitness class because I didn't want him to have to do "all that". He told me to have fun at my class and not worry about them. He also made a point to tell me that I really need to start being okay with him being a bigger part of our routine.
His schedule with work and grad school keeps him so busy that it's just easier for me to have a routine that doesn't rely on his help. So whenever I do decide to let go of the reigns a little it doesn't come easy for me and I beat myself up about it...
I tell myself all the time, "He's been at work all day. I've been home. He shouldn't have to come home and...." My wifey guilt is real. I really do feel like he shouldn't have to clean, cook or get the kids ready for bed. When will he have a chance to decompress? I only mention this because I know if I was working and he was a stay at home Dad I would feel like this.
The unnecessary amount of pressure that I put on myself is ridiculous thou. I know many Moms can relate to this. I feel like I need to do it all. Even when I know I'm going to be away I try to do everything I can to make my husband's time with the kids easier. For some reason making sure they are squared away makes me feel better about leaving them. What I didn't realize is that doing this was making my husband feel like I didn't think he was up for the task.
I let my guilt go too far. While I'm sure I won't be guilt-free overnight I think baby steps will help me rid myself of feeling this way.
Do you ever have issues with Wifey guilt or Mommy guilt? How do you deal with it?