Thursday, August 13, 2015

What is a REAL MOM?

I have been seeing the phrase "real moms" getting tossed around a lot lately. A whole lot. Whenever there's an article about anything related to motherhood you can bet that the claws will come out. Unless of course it's one of those nice pay it forward stories or something equally as sweet as that.

The first time I noticed the "Real Mom" conversation happening was right after the birth of the royal family's newest baby. When Princess Kate stepped out on the sidewalk looking like she just came from Sunday school the Mommysphere went crazy. First came the sweet congrats and then came the, "Real Moms don't look like that after giving birth" comments.

I thought she looked amazing and I even made a joke about it on my blog's FB page. I personally look like a cross between death and being hungover after birth. That has nothing to do with Kate though. It's her job to present herself a certain way and she does it well.

If you do enough googling you can actually see women commenting on FB with their post birth photos of what "Real Moms" look like. Are you effing kidding me?! Like. Really? Is it that serious? Don't get me wrong, I get it what you're mission is. You want to prove that motherhood is not as glamorous as some lead others to believe it is. I get it. But have you ever stopped to think that maybe that's not everyone's reality?

Motherhood looks different for all of us. This particular article showcasing the new face of Motherhood got drug through the mud on just about every platform I saw it posted on. Could it have been more of a diverse article? Sure. Did I roll my eyes while reading it? Maybe. But again, I can not knock what feels natural to another Mother. If it feels "real" to her to dress up in cute outfits everyday and share the laid back fun moments of Motherhood on Instagram who am I to judge her? We all know that Motherhood is more than that. My question is, why do we consistently judge one another and proclaim to know what the makeup of a "Real Mom" is?

I actually feel bad for women who get offended by what they read and see. I hope they know that they are enough and that you're a real Mom despite what all the articles, blogs and comments say. 

If you breast feed you're a real Mom. If you bottle feed you're a real Mom. Are you a working Mom? You're a real Mom. Stay at home with your kids? Real Mom. Do you homeschool your kids? You're a real Mom. If your kids go to public or private school, you're a real Mom. If they ride the bus to school, you're a real Mom. Are you having a tough time losing your baby weight? You're a real Mom. You can still fit into your jeans from high school? Real Mom!

With or without stretch marks you're a real Mom. With or without abs you're a real Mom. If you have to use the drive thru a couple times a week to feed your family don't beat yourself up, you're a real Mom. Are you a regular at the farmer's market and Whole Foods? You're a real Mom. 

It doesn't matter if you had an all natural vaginal birth or a scheduled c-section, you're a real Mom. 

See where I'm going with this? Please let's stop with the "Real Moms look like, or have...", because the reality is that we are all doing the very best that we can. All of our realities are different. Motherhood looks different on everyone because everyone doesn't have the same story, journey and let's face it, resources. 

Don't hate on another woman's story or journey because it looks different than your own. Her parenting decisions have nothing to do with your kids. All of our kids are crazy. (Really? You've never said your kids were crazy?) How she looks at play dates has nothing to do with who you are or who she is as a Mother. It certainly has nothing to do with how either of you are raising your children and how they'll turn out.

We're all real Moms. We're all tired and figuring it out as we go. Celebrate the differences you see in someone else's journey ("Good for her"normally works for me) and don't forget to embrace what's amazing about your own. 


  1. Oh no, not this again.
    I can say that I am glad I've been missing the "real moms (insert whatever it is real moms do here" trend. I felt this same way about the "real women (insert whatever it is that real women do here)" trend as well. And that is what I feel it is- a trend. It is a phrase that appears to uplift one by putting down all that are not like the ones mentioned- even if that is not the intention, that's what happens. Someone walks away feeling inadequate.

    I wish it would just stop. How about real moms, are real moms. LMBO!

    1. I agree with you. It uplifts one by putting down another. We all have to remember that there are several ways to parent and "do" Motherhood. One way is no better than the other.

      Thank you for commenting! :-)

  2. When I had my birth I was proud of myself. It went naturally according to planned. But after realizing that birth was only the beginning of "Super Mom"...I didn't feel like it was all that special after all. I have heard so many stories of what moms go through to be a mom... that now I don't even bother bringing up natural birth unless it really comes up. I am not saying that I thought it made me a "real mom" but I get that many other try to send off that message and I don't want to fall in that category. The whole "real" thing is suppose to empower but it always goes left. Good post. ;-)


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